The secret, the real secret, to making people like you is this
Stop obsessing about yourself. Think about them.
Anyone who’s ever had social anxiety, paranoia, or had to have a few drinks to dance, talk, or make love has simply been over-focusing on themselves. Will he like me? What will she think of me? How will they react? What will they think when I do this?
When we’re thinking about the judgment of others or when we’re seeking for their approval, we’re overfocusing on trying to make ourselves into something special. Thus, we enter social situations trying to present ourselves as desirable, cool, and calm. Thus, we end up looking like fools, because we’re playing a part.
Of course, we don’t do this by accident. Every day, we’re sold on the idea that we must “become” likable. We must buy this product and that product, simply to be accepted. We’re not enough as we are, they tell us. So we try to become good enough.
In a world where everyone is trying to become good enough, everyone’s just stuck in their own heads. A person who actually shows interest in another person is a breath of fresh air.
The truth is – you can’t look deeply at a person without allowing them to look deeply into you. And that is how we form real connections – we see and we allow ourselves to be seen.
If you want people to like you, first learn to like people. Show some interest. Be curious. Ask questions. Notice what they’re good at. Give genuine compliments. Pay attention. Get out of your own head!
We’re all perfect, just the way we are. And when we allow ourselves to experience it, we can actually experience each other. And that is the experience of a lifetime. That is what we life for – to connect deeply, to experience deeply, and to appreciate the magic in every pair of eyes.